No amount of back ups, prayer, or in my case even world renown anti-virusses can save you from that one specific very new, strange virus that gets into your windows and crashes your entire system. So after spending a more than a month without my trusty blue eyes I thought it wise to share the top five do's and don'ts with you. I'll start with the Don'ts so that we end this on the positive.
DON'T take out the anger/sadness, dispair, or any other emotion on your hard drive. It'll cost you more to fix if you go at it with a hammer.
DON'T connect to a wireless system, send loved ones e-mails, share stuff on facebook or anywhere else, unless you want to share your misfortune in a way that will cause you to lose friends...
DON'T try to fix it by deleting random files which you don't recognise or that says anything about system files.
DON'T format your computer by default going on a depresiing spree of alcohol, chocolates and movies and lots of crying
NEVER wait longer for a family friend to look at your computer (not even if they work for an IT company) unless they can prove their qualifications and company reputation.
These are all running factors that, through my own personal experience and those of close friends, have prolonged the fixing process. Now to follow are the things you do want to do. These work quicker if it is done in the order stated.
STEP 1: Immediately look up your closest reputable Computer places (Remember to phone two or three - if you can find that many. Then asked as many questions and explain as much as possible to get a quote).
STEP 2: Hand in your pc as quick as possible, so they can fix it!
STEP 3: If you do not own one, invest in a trusty radio!! This helps in the place of good music.
STEP 4: Invest in Sudoku, board games and a scratch out that old deck of cards.
STEP 5: Three Words: Affordable Internet Cafe...
If you are lucky enough to not work from home, or own a back-up computer, obviously this entire blog was not written to you, and if you own a smart phone, and tv you can ignore steps 3-5.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
How to cope without your pc
No amount of back ups, prayer, or in my case even world renown anti-virusses can save you from that one specific very new, strange virus that gets into your windows and crashes your entire system. So after spending a more than a month without my trusty blue eyes I thought it wise to share the top five do's and don'ts with you. I'll start with the Don'ts so that we end this on the positive.
DON'T take out the anger/sadness, dispair, or any other emotion on your hard drive. It'll cost you more to fix if you go at it with a hammer.
DON'T connect to a wireless system, send loved ones e-mails, share stuff on facebook or anywhere else, unless you want to share your misfortune in a way that will cause you to lose friends...
DON'T try to fix it by deleting random files which you don't recognise or that says anything about system files.
DON'T format your computer by default going on a depresiing spree of alcohol, chocolates and movies and lots of crying
NEVER wait longer for a family friend to look at your computer (not even if they work for an IT company) unless they can prove their qualifications and company reputation.
These are all running factors that, through my own personal experience and those of close friends, have prolonged the fixing process. Now to follow are the things you do want to do. These work quicker if it is done in the order stated.
STEP 1: Immediately look up your closest reputable Computer places (Remember to phone two or three - if you can find that many. Then asked as many questions and explain as much as possible to get a quote
DON'T take out the anger/sadness, dispair, or any other emotion on your hard drive. It'll cost you more to fix if you go at it with a hammer.
DON'T connect to a wireless system, send loved ones e-mails, share stuff on facebook or anywhere else, unless you want to share your misfortune in a way that will cause you to lose friends...
DON'T try to fix it by deleting random files which you don't recognise or that says anything about system files.
DON'T format your computer by default going on a depresiing spree of alcohol, chocolates and movies and lots of crying
NEVER wait longer for a family friend to look at your computer (not even if they work for an IT company) unless they can prove their qualifications and company reputation.
These are all running factors that, through my own personal experience and those of close friends, have prolonged the fixing process. Now to follow are the things you do want to do. These work quicker if it is done in the order stated.
STEP 1: Immediately look up your closest reputable Computer places (Remember to phone two or three - if you can find that many. Then asked as many questions and explain as much as possible to get a quote
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Job Hunting
We all come to that time in our lives where we have to apply for careers, hunt for jobs and stop sitting around our parent's living rooms wasting air. So, in the spirit of hunting for a job, I considered sketching how easy job hunting has become through the ages. Pre-biblical times: In the earlier days one had to be able to either farm or hunt. Making clothes was not a job, it was a woman's duty, creating dishes, pots, fires etc. also fell on her. So it was either hunt, or farm or die. Biblical era: Here you see that your job or career was based on your birth. If your dad was a farmer, congratulations you are a farmer. ( This might seem easier, and like a better resort, but if you wanted to become an accountant, and your dad was a woodworker... forget it!!). Then came the dawn of science where you could start asking around and travel to different places, often starting as some ones slave and working your way up (this does not include slavery era). Then came the letter writing and walking door to door delivering them era. This might seem easy, but take into account that they wrote with ink and quills and it took about 50 letters for the average bloke to get a job. If you weren't literate add a half hour to the traveling costs and time for every visit to explain your situation to every possible and potential employer.
Then we got the art of printing and it boomed in news paper ads and classifieds. This was the beginning of the easy life. You could read ads from employers, write letters to the ten or so employers, send it by post and wait for a reply (up to three weeks) or travel to them to deliver by hand in the hope that some one else didn't beat you to it. Then came telephones. Ah, the wonder of ringing some one up and making an appointment only to hear the post reached them sooner. Fast forward a bunch of decades and today you buy a news paper ( if you are old school), and plug in your mom's wireless dongle into your laptop and click on job mail, olx, gumtree, vacancies.tk and many more. You click search, or place an ad saying you need to find something that will help you pay rent all while not missing your favorite television show. Most of us have smart phones and if you want to phone straight from the ad, why not. Interviews are done on skype, and people who has never met you offer you the same job you can find in South Africa in the emirates at four times the pay. And then after replying to ten ads, all above your experience level because handing out flyers is sooo beneath you at age 17, that you woulld rather be a business manager and get rich quick at only R 35 a month. okay so today being on the searching end of that job is not eating peanuts (yet), but technology has made it easy on all of us. Saving every one time and money so that we can waste it on soaps and watching the same series we love twice.
Then we got the art of printing and it boomed in news paper ads and classifieds. This was the beginning of the easy life. You could read ads from employers, write letters to the ten or so employers, send it by post and wait for a reply (up to three weeks) or travel to them to deliver by hand in the hope that some one else didn't beat you to it. Then came telephones. Ah, the wonder of ringing some one up and making an appointment only to hear the post reached them sooner. Fast forward a bunch of decades and today you buy a news paper ( if you are old school), and plug in your mom's wireless dongle into your laptop and click on job mail, olx, gumtree, vacancies.tk and many more. You click search, or place an ad saying you need to find something that will help you pay rent all while not missing your favorite television show. Most of us have smart phones and if you want to phone straight from the ad, why not. Interviews are done on skype, and people who has never met you offer you the same job you can find in South Africa in the emirates at four times the pay. And then after replying to ten ads, all above your experience level because handing out flyers is sooo beneath you at age 17, that you woulld rather be a business manager and get rich quick at only R 35 a month. okay so today being on the searching end of that job is not eating peanuts (yet), but technology has made it easy on all of us. Saving every one time and money so that we can waste it on soaps and watching the same series we love twice.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Robbing Hood Declared a Hero
The mystery swindler has been hailed by fans for getting one over on the 'greedy bankers' blamed for the economic crisis.
The man, caught on CCTV cameras in Warsaw, Poland - loaded blank banknote-sized slips of paper into a night safe, crediting a bogus account with 1.5 million euros.
The next morning, he withdrew the entire sum in cash in the local currency, the Zloty, and disappeared.
A police appeal for information backfired when they released CCTV footage and the man became a national hero overnight with hundreds of fans praising him on Facebook.
One comment read: "A big round of applause to you, sir. Well done." Another posted: "That's brilliant. This man is my idol." While someone calling themselves 'minetam' added: "Hooray for this guy."
Police refused to comment.
A red-faced bank spokesman admitted: "Because the deposit had registered in the system, no one thought to check whether there was actual money in the deposit."
Source: web.orange.co.uk
Maine's Biggest Lobster Returned to Atlantic Ocean
The 40-inch (one-meter) male crustacean, about the size of a 3-year-old child, was freed in the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, said Elaine Jones, education director for the state's Department of Marine Resources.
"All the weight is in the claws," Jones said. "It would break your arm."
The lobster was caught near the seaside village of Cushing and brought to the Maine State Aquarium in West Boothbay. The state restricts fishermen from keeping lobsters that measure more than 5 inches from the eye to the start of the tail.
Because he became acclimated to the water near the aquarium, the lobster was released in West Boothbay rather than where he was caught.
Scientists are unable to accurately estimate the age of lobsters of this size, said Jones.
The marine lab has no record of a larger lobster being caught in the state, she said. The world's largest recorded lobster was a 44-pounder (20-kg) caught off Nova Scotia in 1977, according to the Guinness Book of World Records.
Maine lobstermen hauled in a record 100 million pounds (45.4 tons) of lobsters last year, due in part to overfishing of predators such as haddock, cod and monkfish.
Source: au.yahoo.news.com
Sacha Baron Cohen RIPS The Academy -- You're Just Like an Evil Dictator!
Source: TMZ.com
Apologise on Facebook or go to Jail
Mark Byron of Cincinnati is making the apology to avoid 60 days in jail, but he plans to appeal the domestic relations court ruling. Byron and free speech and media experts say it should concern other users of the social networking site.
With hundreds of millions of people using Facebook for communication, Byron said "if they can do this to me, they can do it to others".
The idea "that anybody could tell you what to say to your friends on Facebook should be scary to people", said Cincinnati lawyer Jill Meyer, who specialises in free speech and media issues.
The ruling is highly unusual and "troubling because it's a court telling someone to say something to - in some regards - his chosen group of friends", said Meyer. She noted that the comments were not directed to Byron's wife, Elizabeth Byron, who was blocked from accessing the page.
According to the ruling, Byron posted comments on his page in November, saying in part: "If you are an evil, vindictive woman who wants to ruin your husband's life and take your son's father away from him completely - all you need to do is say you're scared of your husband or domestic partner and they'll take him away."
Read more at: News.com.au
Chuck Norris Bridge? Slovaks Consider Tribute In Path To Austria
The two other top names in the running for the bridge, which will span the Morava river and cross the border to Austria, were Maria Theresa after an Austro-Hungarian empress and the Devinska cycling bridge in honour of the closest village.
Norris, a martial arts expert-turned film star, is known for playing tough guy characters in such classic movies as "Lone Wolf McQuade," "Missing in Action" and "The Delta Force."
Read more at: Aol.com
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Rihanna & Chris Brown - TOGETHER Again on 2 New Songs
Source: TMZ.com
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Kombucha Tea, Good Or Bad?
Health benefits attributed to kombucha tea include stimulating the immune system, preventing cancer, and improving digestion and liver function. However, there's no scientific evidence to support these health claims.
There have, however, been reports of adverse effects such as stomach upset, infections and allergic reactions in kombucha tea drinkers. Kombucha tea is often brewed in homes under nonsterile conditions, making contamination likely. If ceramic pots are used for brewing, lead poisoning might be a concern — the acids in the tea may leach lead from the ceramic glaze.
In short, there isn't good evidence that kombucha tea delivers on its health claims. At the same time, several cases of harm have been reported. Therefore, the prudent approach is to avoid kombucha tea until more definitive information is available.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Become An Author On WTF News ZA
Authors needed to post funny and interesting updates and news. Email me at Oakridge119@gmail.com for details. Profit sharing arrangements will be made as soon as the site is profitable.
Bay Bridge Reopens Sunday Night, Over A Day Ahead Of Schedule
Additional ferry service will also continue to be offered to Alameda, Oakland and Vallejo through Monday.
The Bay Bridge's westbound upper deck reopened this evening, more than 24 hours ahead of schedule following a planned holiday weekend closure for demolition and construction work.
Motorists passing through the toll plaza are asked to drive carefully, since the merge will be different. While 20 lanes will still merge down to 5, they will curve slightly to the south, Caltrans spokesman Bart Ney said.
The bridge was not scheduled to reopen until Tuesday at 5 a.m., but Ney said unexpectedly good weather had allowed work to progress quickly.
"The next time we plan to close the Bay Bridge will be to open the new Bay Bridge, Labor Day weekend 2013," Ney said.
The bridge's upper deck was closed at 8 p.m. Friday to accommodate demolition and maintenance projects related to the construction of a new eastern span. Crews demolished sections of roadway to make way for an inclined section that will eventually carry eastbound traffic.
The closure pushed a surge of southbound traffic on to the Golden Gate Bridge.
Unofficial numbers show that more than 67,600 vehicles drove south over the bridge on Saturday, up from 39,799 vehicles on the Saturday of Presidents Day in 2011, Golden Gate Transportation District spokeswoman Mary Currie said.
6:07 PM: The Bay Bridge's westbound upper deck will reopen this evening, more than 24 hours ahead of schedule following a planned holiday weekend closure for demolition and construction work.
With all planned demolition and maintenance work completed, California Department of Transportation Officials say they will begin removing cones from the bridge and approaches around 7 p.m.
The first vehicles are expected to cross the bridge around 8 p.m., Caltrans spokesman Bart Ney said.
Motorists passing through the toll plaza are asked to drive carefully, since the merge will be different. While 20 lanes will still merge down to 5, they will curve slightly to the south, Ney said.
California Highway Patrol officers will escort the first drivers across and drivers are reminded to follow their lead and use patience when crossing the bridge tonight.
"Don't drive past any CHP vehicles unless told to do so, don't enter into any coned off areas," said CHP spokesman Officer Sam Morgan.
The bridge was not scheduled to reopen until Tuesday at 5 a.m., but Ney said unexpectedly good weather had allowed work to progress quickly.
"The next time we plan to close the Bay Bridge will be to open the new Bay Bridge, Labor Day weekend 2013," Ney said
Source: SFAppeal.com
Jeremy Lin Leads New York Knicks Over Dallas Mavericks, 104-97 WTF News ZA Sport
NEW YORK (AP) — Jeremy Lin had 28 points and a career-high 14 assists, Steve Novak made four 3-pointers in the fourth quarter and the New York Knicks ended the Dallas Mavericks' six-game winning streak with a 104-97 victory Sunday.
J.R. Smith scored 15 points in his Knicks debut and Novak had all of his 14 in the final period as New York won for the eighth time in nine games.
In a game of wild momentum swings, the Knicks reeled off 17 straight points in the first quarter, fell behind by 12 in the third, then pulled it out to beat the Mavericks for only the third time in the last 20 meetings.
Dirk Nowitzki scored a season-high 34 points for the Mavericks, who had been playing championship-level defense but became the latest team who couldn't stop Lin.
Playing for the seventh straight game without the injured Carmelo Anthony, the Knicks got a huge lift from Smith, just signed Friday after returning from China. Coach Mike D'Antoni had previously said he wouldn't play. Sunday since he hadn't practiced yet, but when swingman Bill Walker also had to sit out with an injury, D'Antoni needed someone at that position, and Smith hit three of the Knicks' 12 3-pointers.
Lin had nine turnovers, tied for the most in the NBA this season, Friday in an 89-85 loss to New Orleans that stopped a seven-game winning streak. He has committed six or more in six straight games, but D'Antoni said Saturday he wanted Lin to keep taking risks.
They paid off Sunday, when Lin got the Knicks back into a game that had seemed to be getting away in the third quarter, before shooters all around him got hot in the fourth.
Novak made four 3-pointers in about 4 ½ minutes of the fourth quarter, then Lin buried one to give the Knicks a 90-81 lead with 6:51 remaining. The Mavs got it back down to two on Jason Terry's 3-pointer with 3:26 left, but Lin answered with a 3, and the Mavs couldn't get closer then three again.
Tyson Chandler capped it off with a dunk and had 14 points and 10 rebounds for the Knicks in his first game against the team he helped win last season's championship. The Mavs made little attempt to keep him, opting instead for future salary flexibility over his defensive presence.
But there had been little slippage, as the Mavs came in holding opponents to an NBA-low 41.4 percent shooting from the field. They were limiting teams to 39.2 percent during the winning streak, but the Knicks carved them up for 54 percent in the first quarter as Lin ran the offense flawlessly.
Long before Linsanity, Lin actually started his NBA career with the Mavs' summer league team in 2010. But owner Mark Cuban said Lin preferred to play closer to home, and he signed with the Warriors, who cut him, as did Houston, in December before the Knicks picked him up off waivers.
For More Check Out: huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=1287791
Sunday, February 19, 2012
8 Epically Funny Pics!
This is where the magic happens!
No BS!
BroTip #1434
Push Up Bra Scandal!
Friday Class…
That Awkward Moment When…
Corny Pick-Up Line…
What Now?!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Top 3: Current Songs In The World (2012/02/19)
1. DJ Fresh - Hot Right Now (feat. Rita Ora)
2. Emeli Sandé - Next To Me
3. Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)
What Does Your Tattoo Say About You?!
Today We Learn About Burglary!
Talk about bad luck..
Squatting Naked Man Found With Crack In Buttocks
He was caught with cocaine residue in his nose and taken in to custody. "I instructed Blair to squat and cough," an affidavit states. "I then noticed what appeared to be a wad of white paper stuck between Blair's buttocks." said a county deputy.
And all of this trouble just for $300 worth of crack?!
Man Breaks Toe At Whitney Houston Funeral: Exclusive Footage!
RIP Whitney Houston.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Justin Bieber To Release New Album Soon!
For more check out: www.JustinBieberZone.com
Top 100 YoMamma Insults!
Yo mamma's so ugly I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application
Yo mamma's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold the house to pay the mortgage
Yo mamma's so dumb I put a ScratchNSniff sticker on the bottom of the pool and she drowned
Yo mamma's so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go
Yo mamma's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down
Yo mamma's so old she was a waitress at the last supper
Yo mamma's so poor she waves an ice cube around and calls it air conditioning
Yo mamma's so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus
Yo mamma's so old she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible
Yo mamma's so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote
Yo mamma's so dumb she spent 30 minutes lookin at an orange juice box because it said concentrate
Yo mamma's so dumb when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put OK
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company
Yo mamma's so dirty she made Right Guard turn left
Yo mamma's so lazy she thinks a two income family is where yo daddy has two jobs
Yo mamma's so dumb she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home
Yo mamma's so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope asked what she was doing and she said sending a voice mail
Yo mamma's so stupid I told her it was chilly outside, so she went and got a bowl
Yo mamma's so old the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment
Yo mamma's so dumb she snuck on the bus and paid to get off
Yo mamma's so dumb and poor that when I came over for dinner she read me recipes
Yo mamma's car's so ugly someone broke in just to steal The CLUB
Yo mamma's so dumb when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like Vroom Screech Vroom Screech
Yo mamma's so dumb she ran outside with a purse because she heard there was change in the weather
Yo mamma's so old when she ran races they timed her with a sundial
Yo mamma's so poor I walked into her house and stepped on a cigarette butt and she said Hey who turned off the heater?
Yo mamma's so poor she bounces food stamps
Yo mamma's so poor her front and back doors are on the same hinge
Yo mamma's breath so bad she has to take prescription Tic Tac
Yo mamma's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold her camera to buy film
Yo mamma's so ugly hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats
Yo mamma's so ugly I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said Thanks for bringing her back
Yo Mamma's so stupid her favorite color is clear
Yo mamma's so old she used a brontasaurus to get her drivers' license
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center
Yo mamma's so old she has an autographed bible
Yo mamma's so old she got hieroglyphics on her Driver license
Yo mamma's so dumb she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
Yo mamma's so dumb she passed by YMCA and said hey look they spelled MACYs wrong
Yo mamma's so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about her
Yo mamma's so dirty her Sure deodorant is now Confused
Yo mamma's so poor she married young just to get the rice
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said Guess so she said Levis
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought Beirut was a famous home run hitter
Yo mamma's so ugly when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented a wheelchair with pedals
Yo mamma's so poor burglars break in and leave money
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold her Car for gas money
Yo mamma's so stupid she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, so she took a piss
Yo mamma's so dumb she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer: white out is on the screen
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said Disney World Left so she went home
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought a hot meal was stolen food.
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought Cheerios were donut seeds
Yo mamma's so poor I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard
Yo mamma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies
Yo mamma's so dumb she failed a survey
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart
Yo mamma's so dumb she noticed a sign reading Wet Floor so she just did
Yo mamma's so dumb on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911
Yo mamma's so ugly when she gets up, the sun goes down
Yo mamma's so poor when I rang the doorbell she leaned out the window and said DING DONG
Yo mamma's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks socialism means partying
Yo mamma's so dumb she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out
Yo mamma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W&Ws
Yo mamma's so wrinkled she has to screw her hat on
Yo mamma's so poor I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and said Who turned off the lights?
Yo mamma's so old she farts out dust
Yo mamma's so dumb I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked for help to use Hamburger Helper
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her drinks were on the house so she went and got a ladder
Yo mamma's so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes
Yo mamma's so poor she can't even afford the last two letters
Yo mamma's so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod
Yo mamma's so dumb she told me to meet her at the corner of Walk and don't Walk
Yo mamma's so dumb when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home she moved
Yo mamma's so dumb she took you to the drive-in movie theater to see Closed for the season
Yo mamma's so dumb she put on her glasses to watch 20/20
Yo mamma's so stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog.
Yo mamma's so old her zip code is 00001
Yo mamma's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mamma's so stupid I know she's been using my computer when I see the White-Out on my screen
Yo mamma's so old I looked in her year book and saw jesus
Yo mamma's so poor she can't afford to pay attention
Yo mamma's so dumb she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund
Yo mamma's so stupid she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif
Yo mamma's so cheap instead of buying a fire alarm she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling
Yo mamma's so dumb she cooks with Old Spice
Yo mamma's so dumb if brains were dynamite she wouldnt have enough to blow her nose
Yo mamma's so ugly that she went to an ugly contest and they said sorry no professionals
Yo mamma's so dumb she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented a waterproof teabag
Yo mamma's so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged
Yo mamma's so dumb she saw a billboard that said Dodge Trucks and she started ducking through traffic
Yo mamma's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Yo mamma's so ugly people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen
Yo mamma's so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake
Yo mamma's so ugly when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back
Yo mamma's so cheap she washes paper plates
Yo mamma's so dumb she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had
Yo mamma's so old she drove a chariot to high school
Yo mamma's so dumb when she saw under 17 not admitted sign she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mamma's so ugly they put her face on a milk carton and it spoiled
Yo mamma's so old I found cave drawings of her
Yo mamma's so dumb when I said we were playing craps she went and got toilet paper
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought meow mix was music for cats
Yo mamma's so stupid she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed
Yo mamma's so stupid tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
Yo mamma's so old her memory is in black and white
Yo mamma's breath stinks so bad that people look forward to her farts
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her jumping up and down asked what she was doing and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it
Yo mamma's so dumb that when she surfed the internet she put a wetsuit on
Yo mamma's smells so bad she went to Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Gap to fix her teeth
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court
Yo mamma's so dirty they filmed Gorillas in the mist in her shower
Yo mamma's so ugly when she was born the doctor smacked the wrong end
Yo mamma's so stupid she went to drug rehab because she thought she was Hooked on Phonics
Yo mamma's so dumb when the computer said Press any key to continue she couldn't find the Any key
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
Yo mamma's so dumb she has to use her fingers for 1 + 1
Yo mamma's so ugly her dentist treats her by mail order
Yo mamma's so dirty she slowed down Speed Stick
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet
Yo mamma's so stupid she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor
Yo mamma's so ugly her Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought the Board of Education was a piece of wood
Yo mamma's so old one of her pets was on on Noahs Ark
Yo mamma's so ugly kids dress up as her for Halloween
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Walgreens to see if the walls were really green
Yo mamma's so stupid when you were born, she looked at the umbilical cord and said, "Hey, it comes with cable"
Yo mamma's so poor people rob her house for practice
Yo mamma's so stupid that she hops the turnstyle when she gets OFF the train
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me whats that letter after X and I said Y she said Cause I want to know
Yo mamma's so dumb she was looking at a paper and I asked her what you doing? and she said watching paper view
Yo mamma's so poor each night she goes to KFC to lick other folks fingers
Yo mamma's so old her social security number is 1
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me Whats the number for 911?
Yo mamma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class
Yo mamma's so dumb her shoes say TGIF - toes go in front
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought brownie points were coupons for a bake sale
Yo mamma's so dumb her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box
Yo mamma's so stupid I caught her looking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo mamma's so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares
Yo mamma's so old she got hired to babysit Cain and Abel
Yo mamma's so poor when yo family watches TV they go to Sears
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it
Yo mamma's so dumb she tried to steal a free sample
Yo mamma's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold the house to pay the mortgage
Yo mamma's so dumb I put a ScratchNSniff sticker on the bottom of the pool and she drowned
Yo mamma's so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go
Yo mamma's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down
Yo mamma's so old she was a waitress at the last supper
Yo mamma's so poor she waves an ice cube around and calls it air conditioning
Yo mamma's so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus
Yo mamma's so old she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible
Yo mamma's so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote
Yo mamma's so dumb she spent 30 minutes lookin at an orange juice box because it said concentrate
Yo mamma's so dumb when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put OK
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company
Yo mamma's so dirty she made Right Guard turn left
Yo mamma's so lazy she thinks a two income family is where yo daddy has two jobs
Yo mamma's so dumb she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home
Yo mamma's so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope asked what she was doing and she said sending a voice mail
Yo mamma's so stupid I told her it was chilly outside, so she went and got a bowl
Yo mamma's so old the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment
Yo mamma's so dumb she snuck on the bus and paid to get off
Yo mamma's so dumb and poor that when I came over for dinner she read me recipes
Yo mamma's car's so ugly someone broke in just to steal The CLUB
Yo mamma's so dumb when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like Vroom Screech Vroom Screech
Yo mamma's so dumb she ran outside with a purse because she heard there was change in the weather
Yo mamma's so old when she ran races they timed her with a sundial
Yo mamma's so poor I walked into her house and stepped on a cigarette butt and she said Hey who turned off the heater?
Yo mamma's so poor she bounces food stamps
Yo mamma's so poor her front and back doors are on the same hinge
Yo mamma's breath so bad she has to take prescription Tic Tac
Yo mamma's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold her camera to buy film
Yo mamma's so ugly hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats
Yo mamma's so ugly I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said Thanks for bringing her back
Yo Mamma's so stupid her favorite color is clear
Yo mamma's so old she used a brontasaurus to get her drivers' license
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center
Yo mamma's so old she has an autographed bible
Yo mamma's so old she got hieroglyphics on her Driver license
Yo mamma's so dumb she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
Yo mamma's so dumb she passed by YMCA and said hey look they spelled MACYs wrong
Yo mamma's so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about her
Yo mamma's so dirty her Sure deodorant is now Confused
Yo mamma's so poor she married young just to get the rice
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said Guess so she said Levis
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought Beirut was a famous home run hitter
Yo mamma's so ugly when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented a wheelchair with pedals
Yo mamma's so poor burglars break in and leave money
Yo mamma's so dumb she sold her Car for gas money
Yo mamma's so stupid she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, so she took a piss
Yo mamma's so dumb she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer: white out is on the screen
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said Disney World Left so she went home
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought a hot meal was stolen food.
Yo mamma's so stupid she thought Cheerios were donut seeds
Yo mamma's so poor I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard
Yo mamma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies
Yo mamma's so dumb she failed a survey
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her I was reading a book by Homer and she asked if I had anything written by Bart
Yo mamma's so dumb she noticed a sign reading Wet Floor so she just did
Yo mamma's so dumb on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911
Yo mamma's so ugly when she gets up, the sun goes down
Yo mamma's so poor when I rang the doorbell she leaned out the window and said DING DONG
Yo mamma's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks socialism means partying
Yo mamma's so dumb she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out
Yo mamma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W&Ws
Yo mamma's so wrinkled she has to screw her hat on
Yo mamma's so poor I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and said Who turned off the lights?
Yo mamma's so old she farts out dust
Yo mamma's so dumb I said lets go to the superbowl and she ran and got a spoon
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked for help to use Hamburger Helper
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her drinks were on the house so she went and got a ladder
Yo mamma's so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes
Yo mamma's so poor she can't even afford the last two letters
Yo mamma's so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod
Yo mamma's so dumb she told me to meet her at the corner of Walk and don't Walk
Yo mamma's so dumb when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home she moved
Yo mamma's so dumb she took you to the drive-in movie theater to see Closed for the season
Yo mamma's so dumb she put on her glasses to watch 20/20
Yo mamma's so stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog.
Yo mamma's so old her zip code is 00001
Yo mamma's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mamma's so stupid I know she's been using my computer when I see the White-Out on my screen
Yo mamma's so old I looked in her year book and saw jesus
Yo mamma's so poor she can't afford to pay attention
Yo mamma's so dumb she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund
Yo mamma's so stupid she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif
Yo mamma's so cheap instead of buying a fire alarm she hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling
Yo mamma's so dumb she cooks with Old Spice
Yo mamma's so dumb if brains were dynamite she wouldnt have enough to blow her nose
Yo mamma's so ugly that she went to an ugly contest and they said sorry no professionals
Yo mamma's so dumb she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented a waterproof teabag
Yo mamma's so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged
Yo mamma's so dumb she saw a billboard that said Dodge Trucks and she started ducking through traffic
Yo mamma's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Yo mamma's so ugly people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen
Yo mamma's so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake
Yo mamma's so ugly when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back
Yo mamma's so cheap she washes paper plates
Yo mamma's so dumb she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to the store to buy a color TV and asked what colors they had
Yo mamma's so old she drove a chariot to high school
Yo mamma's so dumb when she saw under 17 not admitted sign she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mamma's so ugly they put her face on a milk carton and it spoiled
Yo mamma's so old I found cave drawings of her
Yo mamma's so dumb when I said we were playing craps she went and got toilet paper
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought meow mix was music for cats
Yo mamma's so stupid she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed
Yo mamma's so stupid tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
Yo mamma's so old her memory is in black and white
Yo mamma's breath stinks so bad that people look forward to her farts
Yo mamma's so dumb I saw her jumping up and down asked what she was doing and she said she drank a bottle of medicine and forgot to shake it
Yo mamma's so dumb that when she surfed the internet she put a wetsuit on
Yo mamma's smells so bad she went to Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Gap to fix her teeth
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court
Yo mamma's so dirty they filmed Gorillas in the mist in her shower
Yo mamma's so ugly when she was born the doctor smacked the wrong end
Yo mamma's so stupid she went to drug rehab because she thought she was Hooked on Phonics
Yo mamma's so dumb when the computer said Press any key to continue she couldn't find the Any key
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album
Yo mamma's so stupid she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
Yo mamma's so dumb she has to use her fingers for 1 + 1
Yo mamma's so ugly her dentist treats her by mail order
Yo mamma's so dirty she slowed down Speed Stick
Yo mamma's so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet
Yo mamma's so stupid she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor
Yo mamma's so ugly her Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought the Board of Education was a piece of wood
Yo mamma's so old one of her pets was on on Noahs Ark
Yo mamma's so ugly kids dress up as her for Halloween
Yo mamma's so dumb she went to Walgreens to see if the walls were really green
Yo mamma's so stupid when you were born, she looked at the umbilical cord and said, "Hey, it comes with cable"
Yo mamma's so poor people rob her house for practice
Yo mamma's so stupid that she hops the turnstyle when she gets OFF the train
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me whats that letter after X and I said Y she said Cause I want to know
Yo mamma's so dumb she was looking at a paper and I asked her what you doing? and she said watching paper view
Yo mamma's so poor each night she goes to KFC to lick other folks fingers
Yo mamma's so old her social security number is 1
Yo mamma's so dumb she asked me Whats the number for 911?
Yo mamma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class
Yo mamma's so dumb her shoes say TGIF - toes go in front
Yo mamma's so dumb she thought brownie points were coupons for a bake sale
Yo mamma's so dumb her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box
Yo mamma's so stupid I caught her looking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo mamma's so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares
Yo mamma's so old she got hired to babysit Cain and Abel
Yo mamma's so poor when yo family watches TV they go to Sears
Yo mamma's so dumb I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it
Yo mamma's so dumb she tried to steal a free sample
Worlds Oldest Twins
The pair, who still live in their own houses near Brecon in the Welsh countryside, meet up for weekly shopping sessions and chat on the telephone virtually every night.
Great-grandmother Lily revealed the secret of their long life is 'laughter and having a joke with each other.'
For more info check out: Funnymos.com
Its a Shark-Eat-Shark World Out There!
"It's not unusual for them to prey on other sharks, especially small sharks such as the bamboo shark, as they forage for invertebrates on the seabed," Ceccarelli said.
What still doesn't make sense to me is that this was a Big shark eating a Big shark.. Sounds like Mob Stuff to me..
For more info check out LiveScience.com
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Top 20 One Liner Jokes
For More Online Jokes Visit:
JokesOfAllKind.BlogSpot.com
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
15. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
JokesOfAllKind.BlogSpot.com
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
5. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
11. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
13. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
14. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
15. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
18. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
19. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
20. Evening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Chris Brown Didn't Want To Be Seen At Rihanna's Party..
The two were later seen spending most of their time together. This all after the restraining order was lifted.
Amongst some of the stars attending we're Katy Perry, Bruno Mars and Chris Martin. Rihanna's cake was in the form of a Huge Joint.. Pretty Awesome if you ask me..!!
Charlie Sheen Tells TMZ Ashton Kutcher Sucks..
After Warner Bros. denied Charlie Sheen the right to use a photo from Two And A Half Men in his new show Anger Management he finally spoke his mind.
Sheen told TMZ "I'm tired of lying ... I'm tired of pretending the show doesn't suck ... I'm tired of pretending Ashton doesn't suck." He also said that its not entirely Ashton's fault as the writing is just as bad.
Personally I can't wait for Anger Management to Start!..
CleanSpace One Satellite Set To Clean Out Space Junk..
Like all things Swiss made it comes with a Bizarre price tag - $11million. The only aim of this satellite will be to collect and destroy space junk.
The CleanSpace One is scheduled to depart for space in 3 to 5 years.
Its become an essential role as there is an estimated 500,000 tons of space junk floating around in.. Uhm.. Space..
With America and the EU on the way to converse in talks about "Space Rules" to control the amount of space junk produced by all space travelers it seems to me that they've run out of games to play at the office..
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